Mike Says 11

Hello again faithful followers, I’m just taking a moment from my home beer-making project to re-up with you all.
Someone I met on the street last week thought that just because I had finished the “Before They Were Stars”

history of the band that the “Mike Says” part of our site was over.” Not so,” I told him. To which he replied, “Not so…who the hell says “Not so?” Anyhow, be advised that in the coming weeks I plan on using this space to discuss a number of topics, among them; “How To Remove Stains From Lawn Umbrellas”…another weeks’ column will be called “What’s The Deal With Rich”…and still another will be entitled “Doom!, The Asteroids On It’s Way.” Believe me, I know that in some cases it’s not what your looking for but if you’ll just give me time, we’ll get to the “Famous Women Boned By The Band” stuff. I’ve just got to get it cleared legally [Brittany, your day of reckoning is almost here].

Now as to this weeks message, it’s not about fornicating, or gambling, or taking the Lords’ name in vain. No, it’s about the stuff that makes it easier to do all that. That’s right, it’s about beer! And not just beer, but how to make beer! Are we peeing in the tall cotton or what? For those of you who may think this precious liquid can only be bought at a store I say “pay close attention” because the following recipes could change your life. Yes, I am about to give you the wherewithall [is that one word] to make your own beer, But first, a little history. It’s now thought that the first beer [as we now know it] was made by the Frothesians at around 6000 bc.. The reason we’re not absolutely sure about the date is that [in spite of an early beer recipe] their writings were often clumsy, garbled, and mis-spelled. But what we do know is that their civilization lasted almost 70 yrs.. The next mention of beer we find is in the Old Testament, in “The Book Of Exclamations!!! In a passage about dealing with sheep and people that care for sheep, [shepherds?] we find a remark by Zeephus in which he says, “I drank too much of the hops and moved towards the sheep.” Beer, beer, beer, has there ever been a sweeter word? And yet this vital nectar was not limited to one continent. There is an African legend which talks of a special brew that allowed its’ drinker to “pee and pee and pee.” Can there be any doubt what that brew was? But until recently this wonderful elixir wasn’t available to Mr. “I’m out there and I don’t know how to make it myself.”

Well now it is and I’m about to give it to you [if you’ll pardon that last intrusive statement]. That’s right, you’ll soon be making more beer than you can drink in a month [that’s not a challenge] in just a few days. And for half the cost. But hold on a sec–there’s someone at my door “You’re from where?..oh..Budweiser..what’s that, a case a day if I’ll…

“…well my friends it seems that I’m haVING S0me trans Mission probLems..UnTil NeXT weeeek wHEN i hopE IT’s alL oK ,,, AdioS aMigOs…. mmmmike