Posted 3/28/05 Posted 3/28/05
Hey Fools fans it’s me again and I’m feeling disgustingly upbeat and positive. I’m a wellspring of joy....a walking bottle of happy juice.....if you asked me if my cup runneth over I would yell ‘Yeth!’ And why you ask am I feeling so giddy and mirthful (your words not mine) when life at times can be such a bleak experience? Did I win the lottery? Have I had a religious conversion? Have I had my medication adjusted? To which I answer ‘No, no, and no.’ Here’s what has me feeling so good: not only are we finally through the worst mother effer of a winter in recent memory, but it’s almost baseball season and we’ve got some Fools shows coming up! Jeezus I feel like I haven’t seen you guys in like forever. I mean let’s face it-what good is being a rock star, having all this money, living in a mansion, and being chased by beautiful women if we can’t get together with our audience. Okay, to be honest, it would still be pretty good—but you people only make it better. So please come to the shows. I know we periodically disappear for no apparent reason and you’ve given us more chances than Robert Downey Jr., but why dwell on the past–it’s spring–a time of new beginnings! And in keeping with spring, this months ‘Mike Says’ is pretty much a ‘cleaning out the brain’ type of offering of different thoughts I’ve had over the last few weeks. So here goes...first of all you may notice a new bass player on stage during some upcoming shows....if you do his name is Lou (even if you don’t his name is still Lou) and he’s a cool guy...Joe may still show up once in a great while (he’s our brother forever) but his duties with Beatlejuice don’t allow him too many free weekends....so please welcome Lou into the fold (what the hell is a fold anyhow)...he’s a good guy-you’ll like him...all this recent talk of steroids reminds me of the furor a few years ago over the size of Rich Bartletts hands...but in an ‘01 article in Guitar Player magazine Rich claimed the enormous appendages were not drug enhanced, so we believe him....and what could we do if we didn’t make him pee in a cup before every show?....I think not.....and by the way, don’t forget to ask Stacey about his new hobby–collecting old bottle caps...but don’t be surprised if he talks your ear off about his ‘round little treasures’ .....and Leo is off once again on a bird watching tour ....this time in pursuit of the purple breasted Swollen Nuthatch...sounds painful.....I know Lisa Marie Presley looks trashy but for some of us that works...and she’s the Kings daughter fer crissake so shut up.....and speaking of the King, I order you to go see Velvet Elvis...you’ll dig it !!!!....yes that is me you may have seen conducting wine tastings in the area....after years of careful study and committed imbibing, I feel it’s time for me to give back to the world what I have learned.....so if you see me out and around come up and say hi....and by the way you can’t find a bad ‘02 Bordeaux..it was a very good year...and don’t gimme that crap about how the French hate us...they don’t hate us...they just don’t care about us......watching a recent music award show, I was reminded of how fickle the whole song voting process can be.....of the three Emmys we’ve won, perhaps the one least expected was for the song ‘What I Did To Your Lunch’...but maybe it didn’t hurt that it was part of the soundtrack to the oscar winning ‘92 film ‘Whassup’.....and nobody asked me but if your looking for a romantic weekend, you can’t beat heading up the coast of Maine...find a little postcard town....check out some shops....find a bar overlooking the ocean.....eat some lobster...maybe drink some wine....and it wouldn’t suck if that bar had a pool table... then it’s back to the room for who knows what..yup...I’m there....and can we agree that just because someone dies, we don’t have to say good things about them..after all there are some real pricks out there...I’m reminded of someone telling me of visiting the grave of a much disliked aquaintence...he said, ’I left a beer at his grave...but first I ran it through my kidney’......and don’t worry too much about this new Sox pitching staff.....as long as you’ve got Varitek handling the pitchers, it’ll be decent at worst and if a couple guys stay healthy, maybe even very good......and the night before baseball season opens (Sox and Yanks!!) you’ll find me watching ‘Faith Rewarded’...the best sports documentary ever........well that’s it folks....see you soon........adios amigos............Mike"
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