Posted March 18th 2004
My fellow Americans (as a totally reprehensible American president used to say--Nixon, in case you didn't pay attention) we are getting into some deep shit. Pardon me Fools fans for beginning a rant so bluntly, but some recent events have made me think about 'THE BIG PICTURE.' I know it's unlike me to get heavy with you people- 'Goddammit' you say,'we don't come to this website for 'BIG PICTURE' stuff, we come here to laugh and read your rock star lies and nonsense.' And believe me I'm happy delivering that to you on a weekly (okay maybe monthly) basis but sometimes life can get in the way of our good time. Some things, like a family death or any of the various forms of hardship that life can hand you, can take all of your attention and make you become very self centered, just as a survival mechanism. Other things hit your radar screen and you wonder why you should even have to give them a thought. Here are a couple: First of all, do you really care who marries whom in this great big nutty world of ours. If 2 men or 2 women want to tie the knot does it affect your life in any way? 'BUT MIKE.....THINK OF THE CHILDREN----OR THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE, AND... AND... AND..... THE BIBLE SAYS IT'S WRONG!!' If this is how you feel about this issue I have two things to say to you. No.1--report immediately to your local church, and no.2---okay let's be honest it doesn't matter what no.2 is-- you're just flat out fucking crazy and nothing I can say to you is going to make a difference!! Geez people, is this America or what!?!!? Are we not the great experiment....and do we not want to be the hope, the light, and the defining example of free thought on this knucklehead friggin planet we call Earth!!???!! I say yes we do and goddammit if two beings are lucky enough to feel like they found the right person to travel through life with who the hell are we to tell them they can't get married. For chrissakes there's a goddamn war going on in the Middle East and we got people dying and your president wants you to worry about 'THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE'....does anyone else think this is weird??!! I don't care if two fucking turtles want to get married...I'll throw rice at their wedding, kiss the turtle bride (the things I'll do to prove a point), and wish them luck,...it won't affect me. (okay...in case you can't tell, I'm starting to get really pissed off). And all you bible nuts please calm down. I may not know much about Jesus, but from what I've read, he wasn't an asshole. I think he'd find a way to deal with an honest loving couple be they male, female, or friggin turtle. And while we're on the subject of calming down have you seen what congress just voted through last week!?!? They just raised the FCC fine for indecent radio or tv behavior from $35,000.00 to an unbelievable $500,000.00!! Yes the religious zealots (mostly right-wing), fueled to the point of near insanity by that sad 1 second super bowl shot of nutcake Janet Jacksons' breast, have decided to clean up this country once and for all (THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!). Not one mention was made of the super bowl halftime ads which featured exploding animal farts, half naked woman, and a dog biting a man in the crotch. That kind of sounds like either a Fools song or an episode of The Howard Stern Show. Oh, and by the way, Howard Stern (no fan of George Bush or religious zealots) continues to be fined for his supposed indecency, although no indecency guidelines have ever been formally set down. But under the new system, the fines will be multiplied by the number of stations he is syndicated on. For instance, 200 stations x $500,000.00. Do you see what's happening here? In essence they will put him out of business and silence one of their own critics. Now whether you like Howard or not, doesn't this scare you that some agency (run, believe it or not by Colin Powells' son -an apparent expert on indecency) can decide what we are allowed to listen to or watch. You just know that our freedoms drive some of these god whackos nuts and believe me if they are given in to, who knows what could follow---maybe the taking over of internet, the last great universe of absolute freedom. Resist them my friends...remember this is America (start patriotic music here)...and it's our right to go online and do whatever the hell we want...to make up stuff that's not true if that's our thing...(music gets louder)...to freely e-mail people all over the world...(music louder still)...to download porn till our eyes cross..(music really loud now)...to boldly go where no country has gone before...and to do it in the full knowledge that this is the greatest country in the world!!! (music ends)....till next time, adios amigos.....mike"
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