January 26th 2004
Hi ya kids, long time no see. I know it's mostly our fault [okay it's all our fault] because we don't play enough shows to keep our relationship with you strong and vital. But don't think for a moment that we don't value your attention and, dare I say, your love-because we do. I know some of you have experienced this on a very personal basis and what I'm about to say frankly embarrasses me [and the band] but let's let the chips fall where they may and dip into a few stories that may help to illustrate what I'm talking about [note the use of 'chips' and 'dip' in the same line-I must be hungry]. So,...here we go-welcome to the real Fools interactive. Mr. Phil Morton of 'Morton Liquor Distributors'-what was it like for you after your truck broke down on the side of the road; how lucky were you that a helpful, although somewhat dazed Stacey Pedrock [Fools guitar player] came to your aid. Rumor has it that he not only helped you transport the alcohol [in his enormous HUM-VEE] to its destination, but that he also helped you fill out the police report concerning the numerous missing bottles. And you, Mr. Bill Melater , what was it like for you when the very dapper Joe Holaday showed up at your house thinking he had arrived at his 'bachelor party '[okay I know it's weird--he's married the same woman 5 times] only to find that you were having a 25th high school reunion. But isn't it true that he ran straight to the kitchen and created some phenomenal [although eccentric] food items that still have your family and friends talking [frog diablo, baloni el dente]. And concerning the diablo; let's be fair, how many people have a pet frog. And when Joe realized his unfortunate use of little 'Hoppy' in the tasty meal, didn't he then at least attempt to cheer up your family and guests with his own brand of off-color humor? And yet all you [Mr. Melater] seem to remember is the unfortunate 'peeing off the balcony' incident. Ah well. Hey , he had to go! But in terms of true band return to fan devotion the medal must surely go to drummer Leo Black. Hounded for years by loving fans , and at the point of desperation, he went into deep cover only to find himself living as a cab driver in the Maylasian city of Kuala Lumpor. How surprised was he when you [Mr.vacationing Ralph Wincett of Providence, Rhode Island] said to him "hey aren't you the the drummer for the Fools?" And when he stopped screaming wasn't he about as nice as any Malaysian cab driver you'd ever met, not only taking you to your destination but returning your lost wallet [within 6 months] with most of its contents intact? I won't get into my own run-ins with you people...I feel very lucky to have any fans at all. As some of you know it's not beyond me to hand out hundreds if not thousands of dollars to total strangers on the street. I feel that since you people made us,...we owe you. And yet somehow it's not enough..........maybe we should just open the doors to the Fools Mansion and let you people in. Maybe we should say ...come! ..share our place...eat our food ...crap in our toilets...read our mail... wear our clothes...drink our fine wines......But then again ....maybe a little bit of distance is only proper between fan and band...........love you guys....adios amigos
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