Posted January 19th 2004
Hey kiddies it's uncle Mike, back to weave together some more questionable
tales that just might be true. As I've said many times in the past, I've told
so many different stories over the years that even I'm not sure any more what
is and isn't the gods' honest truth. But before we get to the good stuff, I
must take care of some business. First of all, a good time was had by all at
the Fools company Christmas party [held of course, as always, in the west wing
of the Fools Mansion] but will whoever put the cat poop into the Chex Party
Mix please cease and desist from this type of prank. I like a good joke as much
as the next guy, but after last years 'laxative in the rum punch' trick it was
already getting to the point where people approached the food table with the
same excitement they would normally save for a mine field or a swimming pool
filled with snakes. [and please, whoever you are, don't take that last part
as a suggestion---we like our pool just the way it is]. In any event, we hear
that Joe's' 82 year old aunt Betty began eating solid food again today so hopefully
no serious damage was done................... And in an unrelated event, I most
highly recommend the final chapter in the 'Lord Of The Rings' trilogy. This
is heroic fantasy at its very best and I loved the movie, in spite of the moron
sitting behind me who seemed to have purchased every possible pre wrapped candy
treat and found it necessary to slowly unwrap them only in the movies quietest
moments. This gave the sound track a distinctly crispy and crackly edge that
would have been better suited to movies like The Towering Inferno or anything
having to do with tap-dancing [I can't seem to come up with a good tap-dancing
movie right off the top of my head]. Anyhow, go see it ---it's an instant classic.
And now finally we get to the good stuff. I'm about to address an issue that
is probably long overdue in the minds of many of you. It's something I've been
asked about quite often over the years and I feel I can dodge an answer no longer.
Yes, it's the Tommy Lee Jones thing. When it started happening about 20 years
ago [people either saying I looked like him or, in some cases, even asking if
I was him] I didn't take it seriously. Frankly 20 years ago I was more famous
than him so who cared. But in the interim times as well as fortunes have changed
until now he is one of the more well known people on the planet and I am...well...not.
And to be honest, our resemblance [which at one time I couldn't see] has now
become even more pronounced to the point where I was stopped last year in Amsterdam
by a man who pointed at me and yelled "MEN IN BLACK!!!MEN IN BLACK!!!"
When I tried to run away from this lunatic it only made it worse and I was soon
being pursued by the full demographic of Tommy Lee's audience; old people from
Milwaukee, French art students, and other people who probably just joined in
the chase because they thought I'd stolen someone's wallet. Since that day I
no longer wear sunglasses in public [unless of course I'm in for a good 100
yard dash] because it seems to stimulate the T.L.J. nut-whacks who would think
it nothing to run me to death like a deer in the name of their devotion. Jeezus
how does this guy do it? I freely admit that he is one of the better actors
of our time but we're not talking Brad Pitt here in the looks department. Maybe
the truth of the matter is that we are all so obsessed with celebrities [let's
be honest--they really are better than us aren't they] that seeing them in the
flesh makes us all cuckoo. But what do they really do? They act, or sing, or
do something very clever publicly that we can't do. And for that we adore them.
But damn, I know [for instance] a carpenter who can make some incredible pieces
of furniture. What would it be like if people followed him to and from his work
place just hoping to catch a glimpse, or better yet, what if he had an audience
cheering his every hammer whack [as you can tell by that last term, I'm not
a carpenter]? Okay,okay --I get it--I know it's different. But the next time
you see a celebrity, whether it's Brad Pitt or Tommy Lee or someone like me
hoping to god you don't think it's him, just say "Hey-how you doin'"
and then just keep walking. This is essentially what you would do for anyone
you hardly know..Adios amigos,.Mikey Lee Jones
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