Posted December 23rd 2003
Hello once again my friends, I'm back to deliver my annual pre-holiday message. For many this is a happy time with much feasting and partying. And for many there are solemn religious overtones which make the season all the more special. But we here at the Fools Mansion believe that the holidays should be all-inclusive. So whether you worship Jesus, Mohammed, or The San Diego Chicken, whether your beliefs find you surrounding a tree, surrounding a candle, or surrounding a burning boot full of crap, it's with happy hearts and open minds that we wish you the very best. Over the years people have speculated about the holiday goings on here at the Mansion. Rumors of wild orgies (probably stemming from the unfortunate arrest of a drunk and naked hitch hiking Rich Bartlett) and even human sacrifice have circulated. While the former may have happened once or twice (hey-it was the 80's fer christsake!) I'm pretty sure that the latter didn't. So I'm here today to set the record straight about how we Fools celebrate the holiday season. I think you'll find we're not so much different than you are. First of all, since I mentioned Rich, let's start with him. The holidays find guitar player Rich Bartlett heading down to Louisiana for the annual Bartlett clan reunion. Rich's' ancestors were fur trappers and riverboat gamblers (who hasn't heard of the famous Black Bartlett, also known as the scourge of the Mississippi, or was it the scrounge). Once there, he and all his family dress in authentic frontier clothing and drink home made whiskey. Then, when all are properly liquored up, it's time for the big 'turkey shoot.' What a festive time it must be when the Louisiana woods are filled with gunfire and drunken, screaming Bartletts. Bass player Joe Holadays' Christmas traditions run to the more sedate and, dare I say, more dignified. Most of you know by now that Joe is an accomplished chef, having twice won the prestigious Ferlin Smith Award For Real Good Cooking, so it may not surprise you to hear that he is also a collector of rare antique spatulas. Over the years he has amassed over a thousand of the little food flippers and the holidays afford him the excuse to bring out his prized 14th century Belgian spatula! Then it's a traditional 'Holaday' breakfast of waffles, eggs and fried fish heads. Now that's something you can get your mouth around! And speaking of food, there's no one who puts on a better 'open house' holiday spread than guitar player Stacey Pedrock. Known as much for his generosity (he once drove through Ipswich throwing money out the window of his Porsche) as his eccentricity (he once drove through Ipswich throwing money out the window of his Porsche)-the holidays are a time for him to display both of these traits. The doors of his house are thrown open (and actually removed) to one and all and the food and drink are plentiful. But no boring turkeys for this man--his tastes head toward the exotic. Australian quail, Chinese beaver cheese, and free range Russian lobster are more to his liking. And the alcohol--aqua vite from Norway, Laphroaig single malt from Scotland, and booli booli from the jungles of the Amazon adorn the Pedrock bar. This man knows what to choose from the worlds' goodies. A more traditional holiday celebration happens at the home of drummer Leo Black. He borrows freely from his middle European heritage and decorates the exterior of his house with animal skins and colorful paper banners, much to the delight of his neighbors. Inside, he covers his walls with chicken fat and colored sugar cubes to create an aromatic and yet fanciful appearance. Next he dutifully hangs sheep intestines (no stockings for this traditionalist) from the fireplace and carefully lights the pig bristle candle. All in all, the Black household oozes tradition, ambiance and a careful adherence to the past. And now we come to me and what I do. This part is a little difficult for me--the holidays were never a happy time when I was growing up. Being one of 8 children born to loving yet preoccupied parents (they once left 2 of us at the mall for the better part of a week) I know of the true horror that Christmas can bring to a dysfunctional family. What with the occasional failed attempts to sell one of us and the equally botched tries at relocating us (I was once duct taped to the back of a U.P.S. truck) Christmas held no magic for me. And yet as the years go by I am able, through the love of good people like you, to more enjoy this season than ever before: to the point where I can flip a fish head with Joe, hang a sheep's' intestine with Leo, eat a rare delight with Stacey, or take a drunken shot at one of Rich's' relatives. And it's with this newfound enjoyment that I truly wish you the very best of this holiday season. rock on people and enjoy your family and friends..............Adios amigos, Mike
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