Posted September 22nd 2003
Hi Ho fools fans!
I'm back this week with a fresh attitude and a positive outlook. So brimming
am I with good cheer and upbeat vibes that I'm thinking nothing can bring me
down !" But Mike, " you say, " the world's a mess, we had crappy
weather all summer, and now the Sox are showing signs of a possible 11th hour
collapse. How can you be so friggin' happy? Are you on glue? Did you win the
lottery? Did you move to the Bahamas?" To which I reply no, no, and unfortunately
no. So what's my secret? I probably should tell you to wait until my book comes
out explaining it all [tentatively entitled 'How To Be Happy Even When Stuff
Sucks'] but that would be cheesy and after all this is the home base of fools
nation. So here goes. First of all, what are the reasons people get bummed out?
Bad self image? Unrealistic expectations continuously shot to hell by reality?
Sure those things can be part of it but it's also because [as a funny man once
said] sometimes life sucks. So what the hell do you do to pull yourself out
of the ditch? Well recently I stumbled upon the answer and believe it or not
it works. What I do is make lists. [huh? lists? jeezus mike--you mean I stayed
around for this--lists?] all right I know it sounds stupid but let me explain.
I'm an extremely slow starter in the morning, sometimes I can be up and moving
around for a couple of hours before my right eye even opens. So one morning
when I was stumbling around I decided to make a list of things I had to do.
But even that was hard so I started the list with some easy stuff. 1.make coffee
2.drink coffee 3.shower 4.get dressed 5.eat something 6.look outside---do you
see where this is going? In no time at all I had accomplished 6 things, all
of which I happily crossed off my list. By the time I got to the harder stuff
on the list [mow the lawn, water the emu, fragilate the epilaster, etc.] I was
feeling unstoppable. As the days went by I refined my list-making to the point
where I could have 7 or 8 things crossed off without even leaving the couch.
Now my lists always start like this 1.wake up--followed by 2.find a pencil and
3.find paper. Then comes the part I like best--4.make a list. Is that great
or what! That gives me 4 things to cross off the list as soon as I finish making
it! No matter how hard the rest of the list is [17.go to the
dentist 18.dig a 400ft. trench 19.solve the conundrum of the unified field theory]
I feel I have an even shot at finishing it. You'd be surprised what this kind
of can-do attitude can do for you. Now I'm a
man who gets things done and my self image is at an all-time high. And my list
making doesn't stop with daily chores. I also made a list [in the name of self
improvement] of both my strengths and weaknesses. My strength list includes
such gems as: 8.I'm good at eating and 12.I shave
very well. Or how about 17. I'm a good reader. Not to be out done my weaknesses
list contains some nuggets like 3.I can't speak Chinese. Then there's 11.I'm
not good at fencing and 43.[yes it's a long list] I can't fly a plane. Where
does it all lead you wonder? I can't say for sure but I can tell you that this
column was on my list today [right after 14.watch the baseball game-which they
won] and now I'm going to go cross it off. adios amigos----Mike
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