Posted Sept 8th 2003
Okay I'm late...I know I'm late so quit yellin' about it. But I'm not just goofing off; I'm doing an important service in the name of all those who hold certain things holy. The truth of the matter is I was called in by the brain trust of the Boston Red Sox and asked if I would travel with the team as a sort of motivational speaker in this, their hour of need. As some of you may know the Sox are in the midst of a vital stretch which will decide whether they make the playoffs or not. So pardon me if, for the next few weeks, my reports to you are a bit late [and like this onekind of short] but I think you can understand the importance of the situation I'm involved in. And maybe for a while instead of fool’s road stories, I'll tell you some behind the scenes stuff on the Sox. For instance did you know that Trot Nixon has a pet frog named Jeepers that travels with him? Okay maybe that's not very weird but you should see all the players hunting for crickets during batting practice to feed him. And did you know that Nomar speaks fluent Chinese? Or that Pedro has 6 toes on his right foot? In any event the coming weeks will tell the tale as to whether my motivational techniques work on the boys. If they go on a winning streak you'll know it's my doing. But if they stumble and fail to make the playoffs you'll know they didn't listen to me. And what are my techniques you ask? Well let's just say that they're based on a performance=reward system that I can't go into at the moment. Naked women? Aloe Vera lotion? Inspirational speeches? Jalapeno peppers? You may not be far off the mark if you include any or all of these in my performance enhancing formulas. So keep an eye on the team in the coming weeks and we'll see if they don't finally break the curse and finish world champions for the first time since 1918. adios amigos....Mike
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