Posted Aug 18th 2003
Hey Fools fans, how y’all doin? Huh? Speak up I can't here you, my ears
are filled with water. Sorry I'm late this week but I just returned from a couple
of days on Martha’s Vineyard where I spent the time yelling at other drivers
(how dare they go down there when I'm down there and get in MY way!) and body
surfing on South Beach. The body surfing part was cool although it did take
some time to find a body and drag it to the beach. Plus the body I found wasn't
entirely dead so it made for some exciting surfing. It's important, I found,
to strap the arms and legs of the body tightly together to give it more of a
surf board-like look. It also keeps the body from flailing around especially,
as in my case, if the body still has some life in it. Anyhow go try it --it's
fun! ...And thank you all for letting me know you're out there. I plan on coming
to each and every one of your houses and thanking you in person (as long as
you have cable TV and a full pantry) just so you'll know how much it means to
me. But now, on with the show. I can't tell you how many times over the years
people have asked me how the fools got started. To be honest with you I've told
so many different stories to so many different people that I'm not entirely
sure myself anymore what the truth is. But at least some of what I'm about to
tell you is true. So get ready and strap yourself in because we're going to
do a little time traveling.... Sherman, set the way-back machine for 1977 (I
think) and as Captain Picard (of the starship Enterprise) says, "make it
so." There's me looking cool and a lot younger having just returned from
a year in Sonoma, California. I'll save the story of the year in Cali for another
time but let's just say that while I had lots of fun out there, I spent most
of my time working like a schnowser (dog) at many mind numbing, low paying,
menial tasks. By the time I got back to the East Coast I knew that anything
resembling real work was not for me. So I did what anyone in my position would
do--I started a rock band. I wasn't without experience in this regard (see my
earlier column on "The Fools Before they were Stars") since I had
been in bands throughout my high school years. Most of them were pretty awful,
but that never stopped us from getting gigs. So soon enough (fall of '77?) me,
Rich, the Pedrocks, and Doug Forman (departed band in '83) were starting to
put a few tunes together. Unfortunately before we were ready to actually play
out we got a call from a north shore club saying that a band had cancelled and
would we like to fill in. 'Yes!' we said. And so it was that with only about
15 songs in our repertoire we showed up and found that we would have to play
four 40-minute sets. Boy did we suck! By the end of the first 40-minute set
we had played everything we knew and the club had emptied of everyone except
the club owner. It was at this point that a
Life lesson was learned. Our choice was clear, quit the night (maybe even music
altogether) or find a way to get through the evening. After all, the club owner
didn't know we'd run out of songs, he only knew we sucked so bad that his club
had cleared out. Maybe if we could make it through the next 3 sets he'd still
pay us. So that's what we did. First we repeated most of the 1st set, trying
to make the same songs sound a little different. (You’d be surprised how
long it takes to actually count the 96 tears in the song '96 tears') And then
when that ran out we started with show tunes like 'Oklahoma' and '76 Trombones.
Then it was on to TV theme songs like 'Rawhide' and 'The Adams Family.' All
the while the club owner sat halfway back in his big empty club and watched
us with the kind of horrible fascination you'd have if you saw a fat man slowly
pull a turtle out of his ass. He wanted to look away but he couldn't. And somehow
as the evening went on we started to have fun. It was on this night that we
first played 'Mac The Knife' (which through the years became a staple of our
show) and realized that going 'woods bombing' as we came to call it was a wonderful
thing. I think now that if we showed up for that first gig with 50 cover tunes
all worked out The Fools might never have gotten started. After 3 sets the poor
man had had enough and he told us we didn't have to play the last set. But wonder
of wonders--he paid us most of what he owed us! Well that's all I have time
for this week but come back next week and you'll find part 2 of 'The Fools --the
early years.'....adios amigos...Mike
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