Posted July 7th 2003
Get your hands off my balls!!...Don't whack my balls like that!!...Hey, is
that one of my balls over there?...intrigued? Of course you are! But this is
not the language of rough love, no no Mon Freres, this is the language of bocci
ball. In last weeks' column I told you about the wonders of bocci ball. Some
of you are already familiar with this game and if you are--hold on I'll have
something for you in a minute. But for the rest of you wondering what's it all
about--here goes--your bocci ball primer. Think of bocci as a kind of shuffle
board, except with balls instead of flat spheres and instead of pushing the
spheres with a stick, you toss the balls out of your hand. And just like there's
a small 'court' in shuffleboard [you're out of bounds if you don't land in it]
the same holds true in bocci. But first a little history. Bocci ball [as we
now know it] was first invented in 1306 b.c. by the son of a Roman senator named
Hectivus Marcellus Bocci [okay you're already saying 'Was HIS name Hectivus
or was his dad named Hectivus?' to which I answer 'Do you really care?]. From
the little we know it seems clear that Hec was bored with daily Roman life;
there's an early mention of him getting 'arrested' for peeing on a statue. But
whatever inspired him [too much spare time?] he is the man we now credit with
inventing it. The game
wasn't very popular at first, perhaps because instead of using balls [they hadn't
been invented yet], Hectivus used horse droppings. For this reason the game
acquired an early reputation as something only the slightly deranged played.
A newly discovered graffiti dating from this period states 'Bocci flatulatous
aromicus' which basically translates to 'Bocci ball stinks.'It wasn't until
about 500 yrs. later that it was discovered that severed heads [dead gladiators,
Christians] rolled pretty well and Bocci ball had a resurgence. 'But where do
I get severed heads!!?' you say in panic, 'There are no more gladiators and
while there are more Christians than ever, they might not take kindly to this
sort of participation!' To which I say 'Calm down remember this is the year
2000 something and bocci balls have been invented.' 'Phew!!', you say. But then
you get all wound up again [jeez, what IS it with you] and scream 'But you mentioned
a court!! Does that mean I need to make a court?!!' At this point I'm about
ready to cuff you but I take a deep breath and say 'No, that's the beauty of
it---you don't need a court. After all this is America, we can change the rules
to just about anything if we don't like 'em.' So there you have it. Now when
you go out to Walmart or wherever to buy your bocci balls [sets ranging from
$30.-$200.] you'll notice that there are
8 big balls divided into 4 colored sets and a smaller white ball. Everybody
chooses a different colored set of balls and someone tosses the smaller ball
[called the point ball] a distance away, near or far, that persons' choice.
People then take turns trying to roll or toss their balls to the point ball
and the closest gets a point. I call this type of bocci with no court and no
boundaries 'Free range bocci.' It is your Manifest Destiny to see parts of your
yard that you forgot existed, all the while yapping with your friends and enjoying
an adult beverage. Ah it's great to be an American in the summer. So go forth
friends and toss your balls about with reckless abandon. Until next week—adios
amigos--Mike
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